


Wait For It

by Aofie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain Hook | Killian Jones Bashing, Emma Swan Being an Idiot, F/F, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-09-24 13:03:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20358952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aofie/pseuds/Aofie
Summary: It’s been a year since Henry climbed on his motorcycle and left Storybrooke. Regina finds herself growing more desolate and lonely without him, as time seems to march on without her. The only person who seems to understand is Emma, but Emma has her husband and her own life and things seem to be great for her on the surface.At least that’s what everyone says. Regina knows better though, she has scratched Emma’s surface and knows all too well what lies hidden underneath.





	1. Wait For It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jajs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jajs/gifts).

> Thank you so much to my lovely sister Kate, who was the most amazing beta and support for me during this challenge. You're a superstar!
> 
> Thanks also to KizuRai over at the SwanQueen discord for the daily hour long sprints. Without those I wouldn't have finished this on time!
> 
> Thanks to Jajs for the stunning artwork, I'm so lucky to have been matched with you :-)

Regina finds herself staring out the window on regular basis these days. The big bay window in her front formal lounge room had never seen such action before Henry left.

For some reason this is where she reads his letters. He sends her a letter almost every day. Where he finds the time to write and how he gets them here she has no idea. Perhaps he has shown a talent for magic later in life. Or perhaps he is using the Author’s Pen. Whatever the reason, she is grateful for it. Over the months he’s been gone (twelve months, fourteen days and six hours) she has come to this spot more and more, decked it out with more comfortable cushions and throws as the weather became colder.

She has made it a safe space. And she sits here now with a cup of coffee and his latest letter in front of her.

Today’s letter does not add much to the rest of his news this week. His motorcycle had broken down and he needed to barter with a villager to fix it. Regina smiles at the thought of him asking an Enchanted Forest villager for a wrench. He has made a new friend named Jack, who seems to be a decent man (she has to keep reminding herself that Henry is a man now, he is over eighteen) and the two of them are having all sorts of adventures.

She wonders if he will fall in love soon.

She puts the letter aside, not feeling up to answering it today. Some she answers and some she doesn’t. Again she isn’t sure how they reach him, she only knows that they go into her letter box and have disappeared the next day. Emma could be taking them for all she knows. She doesn’t really care. It’s not what matters.

She catches herself staring into space, and she realises that she has been sitting here for an hour already. Her coffee is cold.

A knock on the door startles her. She doesn’t have much company these days and she pushes the blanket aside and heads to the front door.

Maleficent is on her doorstep.

“Hey,” Regina says in surprise.

“Hey yourself Regina,” Mal replies with a smile and steps over the threshold. She hangs up her coat on the rack by the door and gestures for Regina to lead the way into the kitchen.

“Oh please do come in,” Regina drawls with a roll of her eyes. “Can I get you anything?”

“Coffee please.” Mal says following her down the hall. “And throw in a shot of bourbon if you have it.”

Regina makes the coffee (her third cup for the day) and fetches the bottle of bourbon from her study along with a couple of shot glasses. “I’m not ruining my top quality coffee with a shot of alcohol,” she says crisply as she pours them each a shot. “You want bourbon you can have it on the side.”

“Fine,” Mal says, taking the glass from Regina and downing it.

“Another?” Regina asks with a smirk as Mal holds the glass out to her.

“Thanks.”

“What are you doing here, Mal? Is something wrong?” Regina frowns.

“I came to check on you, see how you were doing.”

“It takes two shots for that?”

“Sometimes,” Mal mutters.

“I didn’t realise I was so difficult.”

“The problem, Regina, is that you aren’t difficult anymore. You also aren’t present,” Mal says. “No one has seen much of you outside of work for months.”

“Emma’s seen me,” Regina says, then immediately wishes she hadn’t.

“I bet she has,” Mal says darkly.

Regina doesn’t say anything to that.

“You stopped coming to Granny’s,” Mal says flatly. “People have noticed. You only participate now if there is a specific town event. And that’s mostly in your capacity as Mayor.”

Regina shrugs. “Henry liked Granny’s, that why we used to go so often. It’s not really my thing. I’d prefer to not die of heart disease by the time I’m….” she trails off, frowning, as she tries to work out her age.

“You don’t know how old you are do you?” Mal laughs. “Don’t worry, neither do I.”

“I haven’t thought about it in so long I only just realised I don’t know! Too many curses!” Regina joins in Maleficent’s laughter, and it feels good.

“I spoke with Snow White,” Mal says after they’ve stopped laughing.

“Why?” Regina asks curiously. Mal and Snow settled their differences years ago but they weren’t friends. You couldn’t find two people with less in common.

“I wanted to know if she had seen you lately.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone soft,” Regina says slyly, taking a sip of her coffee. “I’m touched that you care about me so much.”

“Cut the crap please,” Mal snaps. “There was a time not that long ago where we actually meant something to each other. You seem to have forgotten that.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Regina says seriously, putting her coffee down and reaching for Mal’s hand. “It was a lifetime ago though. Things are different now.”

“They are, but I still care about you, as I know you do for me. Despite imprisoning me for thirty years.”

Regina slaps her hand lightly. “That was a decade ago, let it go already!”

Mal laughs again. “I do enjoy teasing you.”

Regina just shakes her head with a smile. It feels nice, to just spend time with a friend. Perhaps she should get out more.

“Are you happy, Regina?” Mal asks suddenly.

Maybe not. Regina sighs and looks away. “I’m trying to be. I’m trying to be patient and to have faith that my happy ending is still just around the corner, but it’s harder these days. I wish it wasn’t. Patience has never been my strong suit.”

“Neither has happiness.” Mal adds, sipping her coffee. “Don’t wait for it too long. You may miss it altogether.”

Regina stares at her for a moment, unsure what to say.

Henry had said the same thing to her the day he left.

…

Thanksgiving is three weeks later and Regina finds herself at Granny’s at the annual Potluck Lunch. Regina provides two lasagnes and a batch of apple turnovers (which Emma flatly refuses to touch even after Regina eats half a one in front of her then offers her the rest).

She finds herself placed at one end of the table across from Emma, Hook, and baby Neal who is not so much of a baby anymore and much more a small terror. He is also incredibly spoiled by everyone except Regina.

There is a tightness to Emma’s face that apparently no one has noticed. She looks tired and drawn and for one horrible moment Regina wonders if she could be pregnant. That worry is thankfully squashed when Hook sits down in front of them and hands her a shot of rum, which she immediately throws back.

“Isn’t it a little early for spirits?” Regina asks him with a raised eyebrow.

“Come on Regina, it’s a holiday. There aren’t any drinking rules attached to a holiday except that you can start anytime.”

“Hear hear,” David cheers from the other end of the table, holding up his beer.

Emma says nothing, but she stands and heads to the bar returning a moment later with two root beers. She pops the lid on them both and takes a swig of one, placing the other in front of Regina. Hook doesn’t seem to notice she had even left, as he is now regaling the table with his latest story aboard the Jolly Roger.

Regina takes a sip of her root beer and allows a smile to play over her lips.

Neal blows a raspberry at her and then bangs on the table. “I’m hungry!” he cries. “I want R’gina’s lasagne now!!”

Regina leans forward and speaks quietly. “If you do not mind your manners, young man, you won’t get any lasagne ever again. We do not behave like this at the dinner table, understand?”

Neal pouts but says, “I understand. I’m just hungry.”

“It won’t be long now,” Emma says with a sympathetic pat to Neal’s arm.

“Be careful with that attitude Neal,” David says with a smile. “Regina has cursed entire realms for less rudeness than you just displayed.”

Snow speaks up. “Regina would never curse Neal! Would you?”

“She might if you keep spoiling him,” Emma mutters, side eyeing Regina across the table.

Regina gives her a faint smile. “Are we ready to serve?”

…

“How are you Regina?”

“Hmmmm?”

Snow waves her hand in front of her face. “You look a million miles away.”

Regina shakes her head. “I suppose I was.” She turns to Snow, “How is the little terror?”

“Down for a nap thankfully.”

“Isn’t six a bit old for napping?” Regina frowns.

“Yes well, he was quite riled up earlier and had a bit too much sugar. Now he’s crashed.” Snow says evenly, a touch of frost in her tone. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“Touché.”

They had left Granny’s shortly after lunch and returned to Emma and Hook’s place for the afternoon.

Regina isn’t quite sure what she’s doing here. Objectively she knows that she is considered part of the family but the truth is without Henry she doesn’t quite fit in. Also she and Hook have never quite gelled.

Of course that could be because she hates him.

She had once told Emma that she was too good for Hook, it was true then and it’s even truer now.

Regina watches them together, barely listening to what Snow is saying to her.

Hook stands next to Emma, his hand resting lightly on her back. “And then I said to Em, that’s not the right way to cuff somebody! She laughed at me of course but we both know it’s true don’t we?” he laughs, looking at her fondly.

“_You_ know it’s true. I still maintain that I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been in this realm so you should defer to my greater wisdom.” Emma smiles at him, but to Regina it looks forced.

“And then Neal refused to have a bath for four days!” Snow prattles on. “I mean it’s ridiculous. Parenting is far harder than I ever imagined.”

Regina frowns again, only half paying attention. “You spoil him too much Snow. I never had these problems with Henry.”

“Henry was_ afraid_ of you Regina, are you really going to use that as a good example?”

Emma breaks away from Hook and heads upstairs. Regina looks after her, wanting to follow. “Snow, Henry wasn’t afraid of me until you gave him the book. We actually had a good relationship until then,” she says absently, glancing from Emma’s back heading upstairs to Hook and David still talking.

It didn’t seem like either of them noticed Emma leave. “She can be a bit touchy every now and then you know?” Hook says to David with a smirk. “Then I have to smooth things over later.” He winks.

“Killian you’ll find half of your job as loving husband is to smooth things over when your wife is upset,” David says with a smile.

“Regina?” Snow asks. “Are you even listening?”

“Sorry Snow, you’ll have to excuse me,” Regina says quietly and heads up the stairs in search of Emma. 

Hook is a fool, and David not much better. Regina may not have a lot of experience being married (since her own marriage was a total sham and then all her lovers died before she could reach that point) but she knows one thing for sure. A loving marriage isn’t about upsetting the other person then ‘smoothing things over’.

She soon finds Emma sitting on the bed, staring out the window in the guest room that had once been Henry’s.

“Hey.”

Emma looks up at her quickly. “Oh. Hi.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Emma sighs. “I just…”

“Miss him,” Regina says softly.

“Yeah.” Emma goes back to staring out the window. “I shouldn’t complain about it to you but no one else really gets it, you know?”

“I know,” Regina folds her arms across her chest and leans against the door jam. “You’re his mother just as much as I am. There’s no reason why we can’t talk about this together.”

“We just never do.” Emma looks back at her. “It feels selfish to talk about it with you.”

“That’s ridiculous Emma. Why would you think that?”

“Mom may have said something about it to me, and Hook…” Emma trails off.

Regina clenches her teeth, she doesn’t trust herself to speak.

“I know I know okay,” Emma huffs. “You don’t have to say it.”

“Since when do you let either of them dictate your feelings or actions? Especially when it comes to Henry?” Regina asks frankly.

Emma doesn’t answer.

Just as Regina is about to give up and head back downstairs, Emma turns to face her. “Hook wants us to have a baby.”

“What?” Regina’s heart clenches.

“He thinks it would help me.”

“Help you?”

Emma shrugs, picking listlessly at a loose thread on the bedspread.

“Well that sounds like a good reason to bring a child into the world.” Regina shakes her head in disgust. “Why does he think it would help you? Are things that bad at home?”

Emma rolls her eyes. “You know I’m not going to talk to you about that.” She pauses for a moment, then sighs. “It’s because of Henry. I miss him and I’ve tried to talk to him about that and all he hears is that I miss having a child so I should have another one. A replacement.”

Regina feels a flush of anger. “Wow… He really doesn’t know you at all, does he?”

“Regina.” Emma shakes her head. “Stop.”

“Well you can’t tell me that and then expect me not to comment. That’s fucking ridiculous.”

Emma looks up at her. “That was a strong response.”

“It was warranted,” Regina says quickly. “Emma really? Really?”

Emma just shakes her head again. “They’re your rules, remember?”

“I remember. I’ll make an exception just this once.” She wants Emma to talk about this. It seems like she needs it.

Emma shrugs.

“So what did you say to him?” Regina presses.

“I told him I miss Henry, that he’s irreplaceable, that I’m not my parents. I don’t feel the need to have a baby just because my first one grew up.”

“And?”

“He said we’ll talk about it later.”

“Right.” Regina says. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Neither did I.”

For a moment they just sit in silence together. Regina feels unsettled, as she usually does when Emma talks about Hook. They put the rules in place for a reason.

Soon they hear footsteps on the stairs. “Love?” Killian’s voice echoes down the hall.

“We’re in here Killian,” Emma calls.

“We? Oh. Regina.” Killian says quietly, as he meets them at the door. “Hey there.” He looks back to Emma. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, we’re fine.” Emma says softly. “What’s up?”

Killian leans over the bed and sweeps Emma’s hair to one side pressing a kiss to her forehead then one to her shoulder. “We’re about to play cards love. You want to join us?”

Emma smiles softly up at him. “Sure.”

“And you Your Majesty?” he directs to Regina. “You game?”

Regina really doesn’t feel like it but she agrees anyway. “If it gives me a reason to beat you Hook you know I’m up for anything.”

Killian grins at her. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It’s not until much later in the evening when they are several hands down that Emma catches Regina’s eye and nods to her.

Regina makes her excuses and leaves, knowing Emma will follow.

…

Christmas brings another round of forced family obligations and this time Regina finds herself at the Charmings on Christmas Eve.

Snow’s great plan for the evening is to eat a lot of food (mostly provided by Regina) and to sing carols into the wee hours of the morning (her words, Regina would never use the word wee).

Regina’s sure that would be appealing to some people but all she can think of is Henry last year, forcing her and Emma to spend the night with just him. Curled up on their couch eating pizza and drinking eggnog then opening presents at midnight. It was perfect.

Regina looks at Emma who is currently laughing and spinning around the room with her father, then grabbing Hook and planting a kiss on his lips.

Regina looks away and wonders what the fuck is she doing here? What is she waiting for exactly?

For the last several years she has tried and tried to be good. To do the right thing, to wait patiently for her happy ending. Since the fiasco with the Author where she tried to force her happy ending, she’d decided to leave it in fate’s hands. Either she’d be happy and she’d find love again or she wouldn’t.

The thing is though, she really thought she would have been happy by now. She’d been counting on it.

But it hasn’t happened.

Why?

She looks around the room for a moment. No one here is any different to her. Well, other than the mass murdering, but there are several people here who have murdered at least one person, or done equally horrible things. So why is it only her who is punished? Why is it that everyone who’s loved her as she’s loved them is dead?

Regina glances at Emma again, that fear knocking in her chest. Almost everyone.

They’ve all lost people, she realises, looking around. She isn’t alone in this, death doesn’t seem to care who’s a hero and who’s a villain. So what is she waiting for? True love? Is it even worth it, to make the same mistakes over and over, to have hope rise in her again, only to be squashed the next second when fate takes her lover away? If it’s out of her control then what is she waiting for? She might as well get on with it and just live, instead of trying to follow some set of arbitrary rules that she doesn’t even believe in.

Regina moves to one of Snow’s obnoxiously comfortable couches and plops herself into it, almost spilling her wine. She frowns and takes a large sip. She needs that wine right now.

No matter what she does or how she behaves people will still die. And no matter how _good_ she becomes she can’t erase her past actions… nor would she want to. They gave her Henry, and… Emma.

She thinks perhaps she’s having an epiphany. She’s the only one who can control her actions, she’s the only one who can grant herself forgiveness or happiness. What is she waiting for? Why is she sitting here on an obnoxious couch drinking cheap wine with people who annoy her? Who says this is a rule she has to follow? And also she’s special, she’s smart and she knows she’s beautiful. She deserves just as much as Snow! Why does Snow have everything she desires and she still has nothing?

Regina shakes herself. That kind of thinking probably isn’t terribly productive.

She leans to the side slightly and peers into the kitchen where she can see Snow laughing up at David and then handing him a platter to take out to everyone. David laughs back and kisses her cheek sweetly.

Regina frowns. Snow doesn’t wait for anything. She just takes what she wants over and over again. Even when she thought she might not have a perfectly good child, even when it was only a chance she refused to take that risk. And still that didn’t seem to make a difference. She succeeded, and Emma is the saviour and is about as good and pure as anyone could possibly be. Regina smirks. Okay she’s good, maybe not pure.

Regina thinks she just might hate Snow still.

“What exactly are you thinking about that’s got you looking like that?”

Regina jumps, this time actually sloshing her wine all over her hand, as Emma flops messily onto the couch next to her. “Really, Miss Swan? You made me spill my wine.”

“That’s on you, it’s not my fault you’re a million miles away,” Emma says cheerily. “What’s up?”

It’s unsurprising that out of everyone here, Emma is the only one who’s noticed her current mood. She looks back at Snow. “I’m fairly certain I still hate your mother,” she says with a frown.

Emma raises her eyebrows. “I see.”

Regina looks back to Emma. “Relax, I’m not going to kill her.”

“I know that. But I thought you guys were sort of friends now?” Emma asks, following Regina’s eye line to the kitchen where her mother is standing. “Is this a new realisation?”

She doesn’t answer, instead she says, “Do you ever stop and wonder how the hell we’re alive when pretty much everyone who ever loved us is dead? How did we escape?”

“Well, for starters that’s an entirely different conversation but okay I’ll go with it.” Emma looks uncertainly back towards the kitchen. “I guess we’re both too stubborn to let ourselves die. We’re fighters.”

“And the people we loved?”

Emma shrugs, “Bad luck?”

Regina looks at her closely, she can see the tightness around her eyes as she shifts slightly on the couch. This conversation makes her uneasy and Regina knows why. They usually steer clear of any kind of talk about people they love dying… or leaving. It’s an unspoken rule. But she can’t help it today.

She reaches out to brush the back of Emma’s hand where it rests against the couch. Emma narrows her eyes at her for a moment then pulls her hand away.

“And your mother?” Regina asks, as if nothing had happened. “She just always has good luck I suppose?”

“Ah,” Emma says. “There it is. Yeah I guess she does. Or she’s just so pigheaded and infuriating with all the hope crap she pushes into the universe, it just gives it back to her to try and shut her up.”

Regina can’t help but laugh. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

“You won’t ever be able to look at her and not see everything that you lost, will you?” Emma asks softly.

“No. I don’t think so. Maybe hate isn’t the right word but I definitely resent her. She was the cause of a decade of suffering, and while I no longer blame her for my own descent into darkness, I find it frustrating to have to sit here time and time again and watch her take what she wants and not be punished for it like I always am.”

“Is that what you think happens? You’re being punished?”

“Spare me, Miss Swan, we both know I deserve it.”

Emma shakes her head. “I don’t. You know I don’t. You were used, Regina. Contrary to what you believe, not everything is about you.”

“I can only own my actions Emma, and I can’t ask forgiveness for someone else.” Regina says, frustrated.

“Regina, I’m not sure what you’re feeling right now, but I don’t like to hear you beat up on yourself like this. It’s not you.” Emma has turned to face her now and is gazing at her, a tiny frown marring her otherwise perfect forehead.

Regina gazes back, struck by how green Emma’s eyes are. “Henry had the right idea.”

“What?”

Regina breaks their gaze and sits back against the couch with a sigh. “Do you ever think you’re just a side character in their story?”

Emma looks across the room where her parents are now sitting, her baby brother perched on their laps giggling as he is doted on. “All the time.”

Regina nods. “That’s why Henry left, you know. He didn’t want to just be a side character anymore… or just the author. He wanted to be the hero for once.”

“Yeah he told me,” Emma says quietly. “I didn’t really get it then, because he’s always been the main character to us, you know?”

Regina smiles softly. “I know.”

“I miss him.”

“Me too.” Regina pauses, “We have to get out of here, Emma.”

“Agreed. I’m not sure I can stand this for much longer, why don’t you go ahead and I’ll join you in a little while?” Emma says, lowering her voice.

“No that’s not what I me– “ Regina breaks off, as Emma stands and moves away, heading to where Hook sits with her parents.

“Never mind,” Regina says quietly to herself. They can have that conversation later, or perhaps another day entirely. She can’t fault Emma for her assumption, it’s more than become their pattern, and she’d be lying to herself if she thought it’s not what she wants too.

The difference is she wants more. Even if she is afraid.

Regina pulls herself off the couch and to her feet. She doesn’t have the energy to even say her goodbyes tonight and so with a wave of her hand she disappears in a puff of purple smoke.


	2. Add It Up

Emma can’t sleep.

This isn’t a new occurrence for her, this is the third night in a row that she can’t sleep, and the third night in a row that she’s lying awake next to a snoring Hook stuck on the Jolly Roger.

What’s the point of having a house with a king size bed and a comfortable, perfect mattress if they never sleep on it? Instead she’s stuck here again on the stupid ship next to a drunk snoring man who refuses to roll over onto his side. Or if he does he rolls to face her instead of rolling away.

She sits up suddenly in frustration. She might as well give up now if she’s being honest. She isn’t getting any sleep here. The bed is only just larger than a single bed and it’s lumpy as fuck. Even if she was sleeping in it alone she’d be struggling.

Why does she always let him have his way? Does she just have no spine anymore? Is she not important enough to him to let her have her way once in awhile?

Emma sighs loudly, hoping that will wake him and they can go home. Or she can go home.

Sadly that isn’t the case, but when she looks back at him she discovers that he has already taken up the space her body left behind. If she lay down again now it would have to be on top of him.

Nope. Not happening. She is so done.

Emma gets all the way out of bed and throws on her boots and leather jacket, stuffing a beanie on top of her head for good measure, and snagging a blanket from the foot of the bed.

She heads out of the cabin and up to the deck. At least here she is alone, and has fresh air (not stale rum breath in her face). She pulls up two deck chairs and attempts to make a makeshift bed out of them. Good enough, there’s a chair for her body and one for her feet and she can see the horizon and feel the wind. That’s about as good as she’s going to get.

She’s tempted to just teleport herself home, but the one time she did that it caused such a huge fight between her and Killian that she doesn’t want to go through it again. He expects her to be there when he wakes up. No, this is better. She just has to wait here and maybe grab a nap, and then wake up in time to get back in bed with him before he wakes up.

It’s fine. It will be fine.

Emma settles herself down in the chair and snuggles the blanket around her. Her eyes sting. She tries to stop it but she can’t help the tear that rolls down her cheek, followed quickly by two more.

_You chose this_. She reminds herself sternly. _You married him, you had doubts but you married him anyway. This is your fault and now you have to live with it._

More tears fall. Is this really what her life is going to be like from now on? This is all she has to look forward to?

It’s not fine, it’s _not_ and she knows it.

She thinks back to her vows. _Just because you learn you come from true love doesn’t mean you think you’ll ever find it_. The problem is, she still doesn’t think she’s found it. Aren’t people in love meant to put each other first? Like not all the time obviously, because that’s unfair and unrealistic, but sometimes at least? And aren’t they supposed to want to?

The more Emma thinks about it the more she realises that she can’t even blame Hook for not wanting to put her first. She doesn’t want to put him first anymore either. But she had once. Now it seems like there’s no point. The sad fact is that True Love, the True Love shared between her parents is obviously extremely rare in real life, and clearly not something that is actually in the cards for Emma.

Regina’s face flits through her mind and she winces.

Whatever they’ve been doing these last few months needs to stop before it get more serious. There is no way the Savior can fall in love with the Evil Queen. Or just the Queen these days.

Emma doesn’t think Regina has been evil, truly evil, since the curse broke. Or maybe even since she adopted Henry. Either way though, she can’t imagine the reaction of her parents if she were to leave Hook and shack up with Regina. The shock alone would probably give her mother a heart attack. And her father _loves_ Hook. Like _really_ loves Hook. He probably likes Hook more than Emma most days. While both her parents are close to Regina and have forgiven all past evil transgressions, (which is how Snow describes them) she imagines that closeness would fade fast if they learned they were fucking, much less in love.

Besides, Regina isn’t in love with her. No matter how badly she might want it. Sex is just sex. They are both too terrified to actually want more.

“Love?”

Emma jumps slightly as Hook’s voice breaks through. “Oh. You scared me!”

“What are you doing up here? It’s cold,” he says with a frown.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Emma replies, looking away from him.

“Again?” he asks, a touch of irritation in his voice.

“I’m sorry.” Why is she apologising, again?

“I wish you’d try Emma. It’s not nice for a man to wake up without his woman at his side.”

Emma sighs, “I did try, Killian. I just couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want my tossing and turning to wake you.” She’s confident that’s a good response because he’s got angry with her on several occasions for moving too much and keeping him awake.

“I wish you’d sleep with me here though. Is it really that hard?”

“There just isn’t a lot of room here that’s all. It’s squishy.” She says faintly. “If we could just go home… It’ll only take a sec.”

Hook’s eyes flash at her in anger. “We talked about this Emma. I prefer it here. You know this.”

Emma shrugs. She prefers it at home. But what she wants doesn’t seem to matter, and she can’t be bothered to have this argument again. There’s no point.

Hook isn’t finished though. “You know there are a lot of women who would be happy to give me what I need,” he says arrogantly. “I’m a catch you know, even with only one hand. Girls are lined up around the block waiting for me. You should appreciate what you have!”

Emma blinks at him in shock. Did he really just say that? “What?”

“Never mind.” He shakes his head and turns away. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah okay.” Emma says and follows him back to bed, resigned to not sleeping at all for the rest of the night. Instead she lies there and wonders what it would feel like for someone to put her first.

The next morning Hook is in a better mood, but Emma just feels wrecked. She drifted off around six am and they woke up at seven am. One hours sleep is not enough for anyone. What’s worse is that she knows they are supposed to hang out with Smee and Thomas today. Which means another day on the Jolly Rodger, and a whole day of Hook essentially ignoring her. She doesn’t think it’s intentional, it just kind of happens. They all get excited talking to each other about sailing and fishing and whatever and then Emma is ignored. Hook is always an impeccable host and offers his guests everything. Only he then seems to be talking to them or whatever, and Emma has nothing to do except play waitress. Or deck hand… And then he’s too tired to clean up so it’s left to her. And then they spent the night on the Jolly Rodger because it’s ‘just easier’.

Emma is well aware that her thoughts make her sound like a bitter old shrew but she can’t seem to help it. And she decides quickly that she isn’t going with him today. No she isn’t. She is going to stay at home and have some time to herself.

“You okay love?” Hook asks her, a concerned look on his face. “You’re being very quiet.”

“I don’t feel well actually,” she says, deliberately putting on a breathy voice. “I have the worst headache.”

“Maybe a hot shower will help?” Hook says as he finishes on the Jolly Rodger and steps onto the pier. “Let’s get you home and under the spray yeah? We don’t have much time before the guys arrive.”

“Mmmmm” Emma says noncommittedly.

“It’s too bad that the Jolly Rodger doesn’t have a fully working bathroom, then we wouldn’t have to ever leave,” he says jovially. “You sure you can’t magically add one in?”

Emma’s stomach turns over at the thought. “No, I tried remember? It was too hard.”

It wasn’t. She could have done it easily enough but he doesn’t need to know that.

After her hot shower Emma again feigns illness.

“I don’t think I can come Killian,” she says faintly, as she sits pitifully on the end of their bed wearing nothing but a robe, her wet hair streaming down her back. “I really don’t feel well.”

“Emma please? We hardly ever see them.” Killian begs. “And you know how much I love showing off my beautiful wife.” He grins at her.

Emma closes her eyes. If he loved her half as much as he loved showing her off then they wouldn’t have a problem. Or maybe she would, but it wouldn’t be as bad. “We saw them last weekend,” she says softly instead.

Killian frowns at her. “Yeah I guess… But I always have tons of women hanging off me when I go out with the boys alone. You wouldn’t want that would you? It’s better when you’re there to protect me.”

Actually that might be exactly what she wants, she thinks bitterly. “I trust you Killian. I know you’d never do anything you shouldn’t.” Unlike herself.

Honestly she wouldn’t put it past him to cheat on her, but she’s hardly in a position to judge… and she also finds she doesn’t really care much.

“Well yes of course that’s true.” Killian says, coming to sit next to her. “But I’ll miss you, love. I always miss you when you aren’t with me.”

“I know you do babe, I’m so sorry. I just feel awful.”

“You don’t look very well. Do you think you’re coming down with something?” he asks, looking concerned and placing a hand on her forehead.

Emma shakes her head. “No I think it’s just a headache. Maybe I didn’t drink enough water yesterday? I think I just need to sleep it off.”

Killian leans in and kisses the top of her head tenderly. “Well I’ll be gone all day love so you should have all the peace and quiet you need.”

She nods at him and gives him a wan smile. “Thanks babe.”

He cups her cheek for a moment and winks at her, then leaves the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him.

She feels bad for a moment for lying to him, but it passes, probably more quickly than it should.

As soon as she hears the front door close she quickly dresses and begins to work on her hair, drying it into perfect curls like she used to when she first came to Storybrooke.

She’s not sure why she does it, perhaps because today she feels desperate to reclaim her past self. The woman who was strong both inside and out but who still had the capacity to love a little ten year old and fight like crazy with his mother. She misses knowing who she was. Now she is a mother, a wife, the saviour, a daughter, a princess, a sister. She just wants to be Emma again, if only for a day.

She pulls on her dark jeans and black boots, and a black knitted sweater over a white singlet. Then she heads to the wardrobe in the front hall and opens it. Her eyes stray to her red leather jacket but for some reason she can’t bring herself to put it on. Instead she pulls her old blue one off its hanger, not worn in years, and shrugs into it.

She looks at herself in the hallway mirror. There she is. Classic Emma Swan.

Two minutes later she is out her front door and heading towards Regina’s.

…

“Emma?” Regina peeks out the door at her, then opens it wider.

Emma just looks at her. It’s still quite early, especially for a Sunday, barely ten am. Regina is still wearing her pajamas and robe, the grey silk ones Emma loves so much, and the soft grey robe. Her face is clean of makeup, hair slightly tousled.

She looks incredible. She looks like home.

Emma swallows the lump in her throat and asks, “Can I come in?”

Regina frowns slightly and opens the door fully. “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Emma nods, as she steps through the entrance and closes the door behind her.

“Emma?” Regina is uncertain.

“I’m fine, I promise. I just…” she trails off.

“Just what, Emma?” Regina steps close to her, so close.

“I just needed you.”

Regina smiles softly, closes the distance between them and kisses her.

For some time that’s all they can do, simply kiss and kiss until their hearts are racing and they can’t breathe. Eventually they break apart, as Emma pushes Regina hard against the wall and bends her head to kiss Regina’s neck as one hand slips under her robe and cups her breast.

“Emma,” Regina says breathlessly. “Upstairs.”

Emma waves her hand and they disappear, reappearing in Regina’s bedroom.

“Who makes their bed before getting dressed?” Emma asks staring down at the perfectly made bed.

Regina grabs her and kisses her hard, throwing her down onto the bed, and tugging at her jacket. “Do you really want an answer to that right now, Miss Swan?”

Emma moans, “Oh I love it when you call me that.”

“I know you do.” Regina chuckles as she bends to nibble on Emma’s earlobe.

Emma moans again and then suddenly flips them so Regina is below her. She peels open her robe and runs her hands over the soft silk of her pajamas, lets her fingers run over her pebbled nipples.

“Emma.” Regina sits up slightly, and gives her a look that makes her even wetter.

“I know, I know.” She smirks and lets her fingers drift again over Regina’s breasts, and then slowly undoes the top button of her shirt. With a small sigh she opens the shirt, exposing Regina’s breasts. Gooseflesh begins to appear and Emma bends down to take a nipple in her mouth, running her tongue over and under then sucking hard, while cupping the other breast in one hand.

“Emma.” Regina moans. “You’re wearing too much.”

Emma ignores her and continues to lave at Regina’s breast, while rolling her other nipple between her fingers.

Clearly impatient, Regina waves her hand and suddenly Emma is wearing nothing at all.

She straightens up angrily. “Hey! I was wearing really nice panties I’ll have you know! You were supposed to see them!”

Regina smirks and shrugs. “I’m sure I’ll see them later when you put them back on.” She reaches up and pulls Emma down close to her. “Right now I just want to feel your skin against mine.”

Emma kisses her softly in response, pushing Regina’s shirt off her shoulders. They sit up together, and let the shirt fall off her completely, as Emma tugs Regina into her lap and holds her tightly.

Bare breasts pressed together, they sit there for long moments, and revel in the feel of each other, both running hands over backs, and sides and breasts. Running fingers through hair and bending to press lips to cheeks, and earlobes, and foreheads and lips.

Emma soon realises that Regina has somehow removed her pajama bottoms and is clad now in only the smallest pair of black lace panties. “Were you wearing those earlier?” she breathes, as she runs her hands down to cup Regina’s ass. “They’re unbelievably sexy.”

Regina just looks at her. “You’ll never know.”

“I’m choosing to believe that you were,” Emma sighs and pushes Regina down gently so she’s once again lying on her back. Emma reaches out and touches her with the tips of her fingers, lets them trail slowly down Regina’s body from the side of her face to her hips, lingering for moments between her breasts and over her stomach.

Regina just watches her, unable to keep still, and growing more aroused by the second.

Emma reaches down with one hand and gently touches the edge of Regina’s panties, fingering the lace and pulling them down slightly. She bends to kiss the damp spot that has appeared there (and is steadily growing), licking at Regina’s core through the material.

“Don’t tear them” Regina instructs with a growl.

Emma ignores her and instead pulls her panties down in one swift movement, as Regina lifts her hips slightly to assist her. Emma throws them over her shoulder. “Happy?”

Regina reaches up to grab handfuls of Emma’s breasts, “Very” she sighs, as she lifts her hips towards Emma’s in an attempt to create some friction.

Emma pushes her back down and lowers her head, pulling open Regina’s thighs and spreading her wide. For a second she just looks at her, breathing in her scent, then she runs her tongue through the full length of Regina’s folds, resting on her clit where she begins to make small circles.

Regina arches her back and lets out a moan so loud that Emma is briefly glad Henry no longer lives there. She keeps up the circles with her tongue and slips a finger into her, curling it upwards.

“Emma…”

“Mmmmmm?” she adds another finger, steadily increasing the pressure of her tongue as she pumps her fingers in and out.

“Ugnh, fuck.”

Regina’s body begins to tighten and Emma lifts her tongue off her clit in response, but keeps her fingers moving.

“Ugh Emma. No.” Regina whines, actually whines. Emma grins then kisses her clit gently, tentatively circles it again with her tongue then sucks on it hard.

“Fuck. Yes, yes please. More, exactly that.”

This time when she begins to tighten, Emma presses down harder with her tongue, and holds her fingers still inside her scissoring them back and forth slightly.

“Oh oh oh ohhhhh.” Regina’s whole body snaps taut like a wire, and she comes hard. Then relaxes slowly as Emma continues to lightly tongue her clit. “Stop, I can’t.”

Emma moves her tongue from Regina’s clit to inside her, replacing her fingers, which reach up to fondle a nipple. Her tongue thrusts it in and out fast and hard and she has to keep a firm grip on Regina’s hips to keep them both steady. Emma removes her tongue to capture Regina’s folds inside her mouth, and gently sucks. The second orgasm rises in Regina quickly and she comes again with a small cry, and then pushes at Emma’s head. Emma smirks, then gives Regina’s clit one final kiss before she flops to the bed beside her. “I love how you taste,” she sighs.

“I love that you love it.”

Emma reaches out with her pinkie and brushes Regina’s hand. No matter how many times they do this, they never seem to hold hands. She wants to hold her hand today.

Regina moves her hand away only to lift her arm and urge Emma to lie closer.

Emma scoots in, and puts her head on Regina’s chest, pressed up close to her side. “Your perfect bed isn’t so perfect anymore,” she sniggers.

“It’s about to get worse.” Regina says, sitting up suddenly pulling Emma with her. She pulls back the covers and together they snuggle back down, tucked underneath and pressed closely together. Regina presses a kiss to Emma’s head. “Give me another second to catch my breath.” Her hand wanders down to cup Emma’s ass in promise.

“Take your time, I’m in no rush.”

Regina doesn’t ask why. She never asks.

Instead they just lie still for a moment or two, Emma pressed up against Regina, running her hand lightly down Regina’s stomach and up again, and Regina making patterns on Emma’s back as her hand drifts lower and lower.

Regina then rolls away from her, rummaging in her bedside drawer for her vibrator.

Emma stills her with a hand on her back. “I just want you inside me today. Nothing else, just you.”

Regina rolls back to look at her. She brushes Emma’s hair back and cups her cheek tenderly. “Come here.”

Emma lets herself be pulled into Regina’s lap, her legs wrapping around her, their chests pressed together in an embrace for a moment, until Regina slips her hand between them and her fingers into Emma.

Emma rides them slowly, letting herself be pulled slowly under as she stares into Regina’s deep brown eyes and wishes.


	3. A Way Out Of Here

It’s hours later when Regina finally voices what she’s been thinking for several days. She rolls onto her side and presses her nose into Emma’s spine, breathing in her scent. “There has to be a way we can make this work. We can’t go on like this forever.”

“I know,” Emma’s voice is muffled by the pillow. “But we agreed.”

Regina sighs and rolls away from her, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. “I realise that.” She leaves a hand on Emma’s back, refusing to let go of her for even a second. The time they have is precious. “Nothing’s happened for years you know.”

Emma rolls over to join her, snuggling into her side and resting her head on her bare breast. “That doesn’t mean it won’t. Things always get worse just as we think they’re getting better.”

Regina tugs lightly on Emma’s hair. “That’s not true.”

“Yes it is.”

“Name one time that happened.”

“I can’t believe I’m the one who has to say this but… Robin.” Emma kisses her breast lightly, swirling her tongue gently over Regina’s nipple, as if that will lessen the sting of the memory.

“Emma. Robin died as a result of Hades return to Storybrooke. From hell. Which is literally hell on earth. I don’t see how you can use that as proof that things get worse when we think they’re getting better.” Regina barely flinches at the memory now, though she appreciates Emma trying to sooth her.

“Well, what about Daniel?” Emma says defiantly, as though daring Regina to get angry with her. “Your mother killed him just as you thought she was letting you elope!”

“Well that was my own foolish naivety.” Regina murmurs, running a hand down Emma’s back. “You’re making excuses. You know you are.”

Emma lets out a frustrated sound, “Regina… This is a very real fear. When we started this, whatever it is we agreed that we wouldn’t let it get out of hand. Neither of us can afford to lose the other. Henry can’t afford it. And we agreed, we both have a terrible track record of lovers dying.” She lifts her head to look at her. “Aren’t you afraid anymore?”

“Of course I am Emma, but that fear is there no matter what. Us being together or being apart… It doesn’t make a difference. I’m still scared to lose you. And earlier, yes that fear was kept at bay by not calling this what it is, by not discussing it and sweeping it under the carpet. But things are different now, and I find myself confused.” Regina picks up a piece of Emma’s hair and starts twirling it between her fingers.

“Why are you confused?” Emma looks at her intently, too intently.

Regina looks away, still twirling the hair. “What happened this morning Emma? When I opened the door you looked almost… desperate. And your clothes… I felt like I’d opened the door and it was eight years ago, and you were here to take Henry away again.”

Emma flops back onto her back. “Regina. You had _cast a curse_ and trapped people for twenty eight years! I didn’t come to take him away, he came to get me because _you were out of control_. And also unhappy by the way.”

Regina rolls her eyes, “Stop deflecting. You know very well what I’m talking about, so stop trying to turn it around. What happened this morning?” She expects many things from Emma when pushed; anger, sarcasm, even occasionally seduction. She doesn’t expect the reaction she gets.

Emma bursts into tears. Huge wracking sobs that shake her entire body and Regina’s body with it. She covers her face with her hands and curls in on herself, tucking her head to her knees.

Regina is at first relieved to have a response, and then relieved that Emma has curled in towards her, and not away. She pushes herself down the bed to be level with her and wraps her arms as far around her as she can get, Emma’s knees pressed tight against Regina’s chest, and their foreheads as close as Regina can make them. “It’s alright my darling,” she whispers. “It’s alright.”

Eventually Emma loosens the grip she has on herself and lets go of her knees, and her tears subside. Regina doesn’t move from her position, she just waits for Emma to talk.

“I just can’t be like this anymore. This fake empty shell that I’ve become these last few years. I just wanted to be me again. I feel like I’ve forgotten who that is, and what she looks like. And I knew, I know, you like the curls. You used to look at me, like you didn’t know if you wanted to murder me or fuck me. I wanted you to look at me like that again.” Emma says.

“I can look at you like that right now if you want,” Regina offers with a small smile. “It’s still true. Especially right now. I always want to murder you.”

“Do you always want to fuck me too?”

“Always” Regina confirms.

“I can’t play this game anymore, Regina.” Emma says as she pulls the covers back as though it will help her breathe. “You’re right. We have to do something. I’m confused too.”

“I can’t bring you back to yourself, you have to choose to do that.” Regina says, “But I will say, it doesn’t feel as though that you is missing when you’re with me. You may not have princess curls, and you may dress like a slightly more stylish version of your mother, but the Emma I…” Regina trails off, unwilling to say what had sprung to her mind. “The Emma I know, have always known, is still right here.”

“I have to leave Hook.” Emma says flatly.

Regina doesn’t reply, unsure of what to say. She wants to say, _yes you do, go and leave him right now_. But she doesn’t. She says nothing, because they do _not _talk about this.

“Regina?”

“What do you want me to say?” Regina suddenly sits up and runs a hand through her hair.

“I want you to tell me the truth.”

“The truth? Emma. Yes. Of course you need to leave him, you’re here in bed with another woman talking about how you’ve lost yourself. You’re desperately unhappy. Yes you need to leave him.” She resists adding _you shouldn’t have married him in the first place. _

“You’re right” Emma nods firmly, all tears gone. “I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with you. It’s not fair to you, or to him. I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not.”

“As am I.” Regina says quietly, looking down at Emma. “Do you think… do you wonder if maybe this is fate?”

“What, us?”

“Yes.”

“Regina… I don’t believe in fate. I can’t,” Emma says painfully. “And even if I did, then what does that even mean? If it does exist then fate has not been kind to us in the past.”

“Or maybe everything that has happened to us, all the people we’ve lost, were for a reason… to bring us together to this point, here and now.” Regina says quietly.

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” Emma says, sitting up suddenly and disentangling herself from Regina’s arms. “To think that people lost their lives, actually died for us… so we could get our shit together and be happy? What the fuck kind of reason is that to die? No Regina, I don’t believe in fate. I believe in love. And… I love you.”

Regina’s heart skips a beat. “You love me?”

“Of course I do. You must know that.”

Regina falters, “I… I…”

“Do you really think I’d go through all this in order to protect you from whatever curse hangs over me, if I wasn’t completely in love with you?” Emma asks incredulously.

Regina can only look at her in response, trying to keep the lump in her throat from rising. “But…”

“I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” Emma says, taking Regina’s face in her hands. “It’s the only thing I know for certain.”

Regina places her hands over Emma’s, pulling them down into her lap. “Then come with me. I’m going to leave Storybrooke. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you. I want to find my own path and my own story… like Henry did. And I want to do it with you.”

Emma shakes her head, “I don’t want to run away, that’s the only thing I’ve ever known how to do. I don’t want to do it again.”

“Emma. It’s not running away if you’re running towards something. It’s leaving to get a fresh start. To be happy. You didn’t think you had to stay here forever did you?” She can see by looking at her that that’s exactly what she thinks. “You don’t have to stay here and be miserable, trying to fit into a role that others define for you. Come with me. Be who _you_ want to be.”

Emma looks away for a moment. “That’s all I want Regina, you know that. But I have responsibilities here. I can’t just leave.”

“Yes you can. There is no need for a savior anymore. We can both leave. And….” Regina takes a breath. “I’m going to go, Emma. No matter what you decide, I need to leave.”

“I know you do.”

“It’s my choice. For myself, I can’t make you come with me. All I can tell you is that I love you, and I want nothing more than for us to be together, and make choices together. For better or for worse.” Regina says with such conviction that it shocks her.

Emma looks back at her. “I may not believe in fate, but I do believe in choice. Henry made his choice and followed it, perhaps I should do the same.”

“You have to be happy about this though, you can’t leave with me because it’s what I want. You have to want this too. One hundred percent. This must be your choice. It’s not an ultimatum. My love for you won’t change, no matter what you decide.”

“When are you leaving?” Emma asks.

“In three days.”

…

Emma sits on Archie’s couch stiffly. She has been here for ten minutes already and can’t seem to say what she needs to.

“Emma, we can sit here in silence for as long as you need, but you are paying for this whole hour. I feel like if you could just give me something, we could get started. Anything. Are you having visions again?” Archie prods gently.

Emma shakes her head, mute.

“Okay, well is it something else then? To do with Hook maybe? Or your parents?” He pushes his glasses up with one finger and smiles encouragingly. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“I’m in love with Regina,” she blurts out.

Whatever Archie has been expecting, it isn’t that. He sits up slightly, leaning forwards. “What did you say?”

“I’m in love with Regina,” Emma repeats. “I have been, since… well, since I met her I suppose.”

“Even when she was evil?” he blinks.

Emma narrows her eyes at him. “She’s never been evil to me. Just… difficult. Except maybe when she poisoned Henry with that turnover… But even then I think I was just so worried for him I didn’t really think about what she’d done, and she was so worried for him too…” She pauses, then adds, “I think it helps that I’ve never actually met the _Evil Queen_ as you all like to call her. Well except for that one time in the Enchanted Forest, but she looked the same to me. She was just Regina. My Regina...”

By the time she’s finished speaking Archie seems to have recovered himself. “Well I have to admit, you have surprised me. But now that’s out in the open, we can talk about it. Does Regina know how you feel?”

“Yes.”

“And does she feel the same way?”

“Yes.”

Archie frowns, “Then forgive me for saying this, but why are you still married to Killian?”

“It’s complicated.”

“How so?”

Emma sighs. “Killian is… safe.”

“You’ll have to explain that to me.” Archie says, still frowning.

Emma just shrugs.

“Is he safe as in you trust him with your love and your care? Emotions and feelings?”

“Noooooo. Definitely not that.” Emma says, then covers her face in her hands. “Ugh I’m a terrible person.”

“No you aren’t, you’ve just made a mistake. But Emma, I can’t help you fix it if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“He’s safe because… He can’t die, because he already has… and he’s perfect… on the outside… he’s what I should be falling in love with.” Emma throws her hands by her side. She hates the way Archie is looking at her, with sympathy and a hint of pity.

“And Regina?” he prompts.

“Is not safe. Definitely not safe, she has the worst luck in the world, even worse than mine, and I just want her to be happy and to find her happy ending and true love and to not die, and to have them not die either!”

“Because you’re in love with her,” Archie says.

“Yes.”

Archie writes something on his notepad and then sits back in his chair, pushing it away from him. “Alright. We’re going to come back to your obvious worry that anyone you care for romantically will die.”

“Marvellous.” Emma rolls her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me Emma. Regina is far better at it than you.”

Emma smirks. “She’s better at it than everyone.”

“You say that Regina feels the same way you do?” Archie says.

“Yes.”

“So if that’s the case, by choosing to remain married to Killian you’re actually denying Regina her True Love and her happy ending. Which you just said are two things you desperately want her to have. Have you thought about how that must make her feel?”

Ugh. This is why she hates therapy. “Yes Archie, I know that. We’ve talked about it. And we both felt the same way, that pursuing a relationship wasn’t safe… there’s also Henry to consider.”

“In what way? Isn’t it every child’s dream to see his parents together in a relationship?” Archie asks.

“Obviously.” Emma snaps. “I meant that if one or both of us died then Henry would lose a parent.”

“Emma, Henry isn’t here anymore. You have no real idea where he is, or when he’s coming home. You need to stop using him as an excuse.”

Emma knows this is true, so she chooses not to respond and just sits there.

“Let me ask you another question.” Archie takes his glasses off and cleans them, giving Emma a moment. “When was the last time there was real danger in Storybrooke? And I’m not talking about petty crime, or a passing storm, or anything that comes under the banner of normality. I’m talking about the last time this town or any of its inhabitants were under threat from something magical or otherworldly.”

Emma just shrugs. She knows what he’s saying, Regina had basically said the same thing that morning.

“When’s the last time you do remember? It doesn’t matter if you’re wrong.” Archie asks calmly.

“Uh, maybe the Black Fairies curse?” Emma says with a frown.

Archie smiles. “That’s the last time I remember too. And that was years ago. Years, Emma.”

Emma tries to remember anything else more recent, but the truth is she can’t. She considers for the first time that perhaps Regina is right. The town doesn’t need them any longer. Maybe it really is time to move on.

She starts to feel a warmth inside her chest that feels a lot like hope.

Archie is still talking. “Coming back to Regina. Do you think that your reluctance to be together has anything to do with your family and what their reaction might be if they found you were dating?”

Emma actually laughs at the thought. “Well I don’t think Regina would care. She’d probably love to see the look on my mother’s face. I don’t think she really wants to end up in another war with them though.”

“And what about you? Do you think a war is how Snow would react?”

“Well probably not a war no… But I’m certain she wouldn’t be happy. My parents love Killian.” Emma takes a breath. “Mom, she sees the world in a very specific way, she’s always full of hope and sunshine and rainbows and she believes in True Love, and everything is black and white for her. She loves me, I know that, and she loves Regina as well. That much is true. But she sees us the way she wants us to be… not the way we are. If we change that view she’s clinging to… I’m not sure how she’ll react.”

Archie thinks on that for a moment before he speaks again. “Emma, are you happy?”

Emma shakes her head.

“Don’t you want to be?”

…

Regina is waiting.

She’s arrived early, which was a mistake because now she finds herself in the freezing cold, with her heart in her throat, and two travel mugs of coffee in her hands.

She leans against the car to steady herself. She shouldn’t have brought two mugs. The chances of Emma actually showing up are slim, she knows that… but some part of her hopes that she’ll be enough, that Emma will want her more than she wants to keep her family happy, or to pretend to love a man who is painfully not good enough for her.

She closes her eyes and pictures Emma’s face, her bright sparkling eyes, tumbled curls and godawful outfits. She thinks of her when she first arrived in Storybrooke, and when she climbed out of a well, and when she stood in her vault and desperately asked to be friends.

Regina smiles, and opens her eyes.

Emma appears in front of her.

“Hey,” Emma says. She is dressed as she always used to; black jeans and boots, a white knitted sweater and a brown leather jacket. She is also carrying a duffle bag.

“Hey,” Regina replies, and holds out the travel mug.

Emma smiles in gratitude, “You’re actually amazing. Have I ever told you that?” she sighs as she takes it, dropping her bag at her feet.

“Yes. Though usually only post orgasm.”

“Well it’s true then too.” Emma looks at her fondly, the past several years’ tension gone from her face, her eyes shining.

“So you left him then?” Regina isn’t sure why she has to know this, but it’s important to her.

“Of course. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“And?”

“How did he take it?” Emma asks. “Not well. And then even less well when I told him I was leaving town with you.”

Regina frowns. “It’s strange for me to say this, but I feel quite sorry for him.”

“Yeah. It was fairly horrible. I should never have married him in the first place. It wasn’t fair to either of us. I can’t help how I feel though.”

“How do you feel?”

Emma looks at her and smiles. “Free.”

Regina reaches out and tugs at the bottom of her leather jacket, pulling her close. “What did you tell your parents?”

“Ugh. Well… just call me a coward.” She looks sheepish.

“You didn’t tell them?” Regina gives her a push. “Emma! They’re going to think I’ve kidnapped you!”

“No they won’t. I did go to the farm to talk to them but they weren’t home… so I left a note.”

“You left a note! Emma, this will break their heart. To not have a chance to say goodbye to you…”

“No they will. They’ll have a chance. It was a long note. I told them everything, absolutely everything. And I told them I had to leave now, but that I’d call them or contact them as soon as I could. They’ll be okay Regina, I promise.” Emma wraps her arms around Regina’s waist reassuringly. “Why, what did you tell them?”

“I didn’t tell them anything. They aren’t my parents, and I don’t owe them anything…”

“Wait, you’re saying you just left? You didn’t tell anyone?” Emma pulls back to glare at her. “Regina!”

“I told Zelena.”

“That doesn’t count. She doesn’t live here anymore.”

“I also had to resign as Mayor, so I told Kathryn. She wasn’t too pleased about being instantly promoted but that’s part of her job as Deputy.” Regina shrugs.

“She’ll do fine though. You trained her well. She’s basically a mini you these days.”

Regina raises an eyebrow. “Miss Swan. No one could ever be a mini me. I am one of a kind.”

“You certainly are.” Emma smiles at her then pulls her close and kisses her. “You’re MY one of a kind.”

Regina revels in the kiss, in the feel of Emma in her arms, the smell of her, the softness of her hair as it brushes against her cheek. She pulls back and brushes Emma’s hair back, cupping her cheek gently. “Get in the car, it’s freezing out here.”

Emma picks up her duffle bag and tosses it into the trunk, as Regina gets into the driver’s seat and turns the car on and the heat up high. “I’m surprised you didn’t show up with the bug asking me if we could take it, instead of my much more comfortable and advanced vehicle.”

“Weeellll…” Emma slides into the passenger seat and digs something out of her pocket. She holds her hand out to Regina, showing her a tiny matchbox sized yellow bug.

“Emma. Really? You shrank your car?” Regina presses her lips together to keep from laughing. “You may not be able to change it back you realise? And even if you do it may not work properly?”

Emma shrugs. “I couldn’t leave it behind. Too many memories, besides even if it doesn’t work anymore it will still look nice on a bookshelf!”

“No.”

“What about a Christmas tree ornament?” Emma asks hopefully.

“Definitely not.” Regina does laugh this time. “I do love you, Miss Swan.”

“I love you too!” Emma pockets the car happily and looks to Regina. “So… where’re we going?”

“Anywhere you like. I thought perhaps we might just spend some time in the real world to start with.”

“To start with?” Emma raises her eyebrows.

Regina smiles and pulls something out of her pocket. “I have a few of these.” She holds out a magic bean. “We can go anywhere we like.”

“Perfect.” Emma smiles back.

Together they drive over the town line.


	4. Epilogue - The Watchtower

The Queen waits.

She stands on the lowest parapet of her castle, looking out over her lands, where she can see the full length of the road. She has given word to her guards posted along the road and her land holders, these particular travellers shall pass through unheeded.

And now she waits.

She is not a patient person. She would normally never wait on someone else like this. But he told her they were coming. He told her they were coming soon. How he knows this she doesn’t ask, doesn’t question. He is the only person she has never questioned. Not since a time so long ago that neither of them remember clearly, when he was just a boy and she not much more than a monster.

They have put that behind them now. Besides, she can feel it too. They will come tonight.

She wonders idly if things will change once they arrive. She hopes not, but she knows that her very nature may get in the way.

Strong arms wrap around her from behind. Her husband. The Prince. He still finds great amusement in that title, states often that he is no such thing, he is little more than a brigand. She always reminds him that her past deeds are far worse than his, and that there’s nothing wrong with a little mischief making every now and then. They are neither evil, nor good. They are something in between.

“Are you going to wait here all night love?” he asks.

She smiles, though he cannot see it. “He said they’d be coming tonight.”

“He said they’d be coming soon. Not necessarily tonight.”

She shakes her head. “It is tonight. I know it is.”

He tugs at her, pulls her away from the edge for a moment, and turns her in his arms to face him. “You can feel her?” he asks in surprise.

“Not exactly. I wouldn’t say I can feel her in particular. But I can sense something. I just know that before the night is out they’ll both be here.” She pulls away and turns back to watch the road.

“And does that bother you? Are you worried about what that might mean for you?”

He is worried. She can hear it in his voice. She’s not sure which one of them he’s worried about though. From his perspective either of them could be a problem. Though he needn’t worry, she loves only him. She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “I’m not worried. Not after what she did for me so many years ago.”

He once again wraps his arms around her waist from behind. “If you are going to watch for them all night, I’ll watch with you.”

She leans back into him gratefully, letting the warmth from his body settle around her like a blanket.

It is a few hours later that they finally see them. Two figures make their way slowly up the road, appearing to be in no rush. They are both on horseback, though the horses move at no more than an amble.

“Robin look!” the Queen points down to them. “There they are!”

“I see them my love,” he replies. “Shall we go down and meet them at the door?”

She pauses. “Can you give me some time alone with them first?”

He looks at her for a long moment, then nods.

She kisses him gently, “Thank you. I only need a moment.”

He nods at her, then watches as she leaves, a small frown appearing on his face.

The two travellers arrive a few moments later and are just dismounting their horses when the Queen steps forward to greet them. “It took you long enough,” she says with a smile.

Regina smiles back at her. “Hello Regina. You look well.”

Emma moans slightly as she practically falls from her horse.

“I see you haven’t changed Miss Swan,” the Queen laughs.

“Hey, we’ve been riding for most of the day and unlike some others I wasn’t born and bred on a horse.” Emma groans.

“You should be used to it by now,” Regina says mildly, as Emma throws her a dark look.

“It’s good to see you.” the Queen pulls Regina into a hug, and then Emma. “I’ve been waiting all day.”

“How did you know we were coming?” Regina asks with a frown.

“Henry,” the Queen replies. “He arrived about six months ago, with his new wife mind you, and asked to stay awhile. He said you would both show up here within the year. Yesterday he told me you were on your way.”

“Henry’s here?” Regina’s eyes open wide, “Right now, here in your castle?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Emma! Henry’s here!” Regina laughs wildly, and pulls Emma in for a kiss. “We get to see our son!”

Emma kisses her back enthusiastically then pulls away. “And his wife apparently!”

The Queen holds her hand up to Robin who has just arrived behind her. “You owe me thirty gold pieces,” she says with a smirk.

“So I see.” He frowns. “I must say I’m surprised. I never thought they’d actually get their act together enough to make it happen.”

Regina stops kissing Emma long enough to growl at him. “It’s nice to see you too Robin. I’m so pleased to hear you two have been betting on the outcome of my relationship with Emma.”

Robin shrugs, “I’d say we’re sorry but we both know that’s not true so why bother? Also you’re happy now, aren’t you?”

Regina smiles. “Yes we are.”

The Queen smiles back. “That’s all that matters. You deserve it Regina, and you Emma. You’re both welcome to stay here for as long as you wish.”

Regina nods, “Thank you, now please take us to our son.”

“I’ll have someone show you the way to both his quarters and your own.” the Queen gestures to a page who steps forward quickly. “It is so good to see you both.”

“Thanks Regina.” Emma says, then frowns, “Yeah that’s still weird.”

“You’ll get used to it.” the Queen says, then takes Robin by the hand and turns away.

Emma and Regina are left to follow the page to Henry’s quarters. They arrive at a set of ornate wooden doors. The page gestures to them, nods once then leaves quietly.

Emma raps on the door sharply.

The doors fly open, and there he stands. Their son, their grown adult son. He is far more grown in the last four years than they are. He is a man now, most likely in his late twenties. But he is still their son. Their beautiful boy.

“Mom, Mom!” he exclaims in delight, looking at them both.

Then like the small boy he once was, he flings himself into their arms.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Go For It [fanart]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20499911) by [Jajs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jajs/pseuds/Jajs)


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